Two Things Four You.

I am so 21st century with the texting and the google and the HtMl links.

This is helping my cold:
















This guy is my new hero:
















I saw this show on Discovery while being sicker than shit tonight:
Survivor Man
He da man.


ciaofertonight

Get some candy?

I know this is about two days late, but whatever.

UberDaddy, fam and friends sure had fun trick-or-treating!
UberDaddy hurt?! Bob the Builder can fix it.

Mommy, you got your witch blood on me!

Henry and Grace were cam hammin'.

Cool, candy AND a kitty.

Good to meet you little lamb. Hold on while I make sure my loot is still in this bag, OK?

Hope you had fun with your family and friends on Halloween too!



ciaofernow kids.

3 more feet and 150 more pounds

That's what you'll need, kiddo, before you best me like you did yesterday morning... and live to tell about it. Next time I take a sucka power punch to the eye, you better hope Mommy is around to save your ass.

You got me good this time, Henry.
You won't get so lucky next time.

Now that I know I have to defend my eyeballs against violent assault, my guard is up.

I think I scared the crap outta him enough with my thundering "NNNNOOOOOOO!!" and massive gritting of teeth that he will think twice before swinging at my face again. Let's hope.



Punk.





What is inspiring is that I could see the genuine remorse on his little face when he figured out that I was actually hurt. He said, "Henry take time out Daddy," and he sat on his bed and looked up at me pitifully. UberDaddy's anger faded quickly, and I asked him what he should say.

"I'm sorry, Daddy. Henry kiss Daddy's boo-boo eye?"

"Yes, please. It hurts."

"Henry sorry Daddy. Henry no hit."



"Good idea for your future wellbeing."



ciaofernow

p.s. Henry's excellent shirt seen in the picture above was purchased at the excellent online clothes shop for kiddos, Urban Baby Runway. Support Stay-At-Home-Parents, and dress your fav kid is something cool for a change!

Happy Halloween! ...a little early

Happy Halloween everyone!!

Henry and Co. are really digging it this year! We all went to a farm a few miles up the road, sat on hay bales on the tractor ride over to the punkin patch, and picked our own. The little ones loved it, so did UberDaddy.




He's such a follower when Grace is around.


Then we all got together for the bloodletting! Enjoy!




ciaofernow

A Rapid Expansion

No, the title of this post is not another reference to my waistline.

The title refers to something that truly mystifies me about humans. We're so smart when we're young, minds like dry sponges thirsting for anything new to quench our curiosity. I read on PBSParents.org that kids Henry's age (2 years) are capable of learning 10 or more new words, context and all, EVERY DAY.

I read this and, of course, I am thinking, "My kid only learns 9.3 words per day, what the hell is wrong with him?" OK, not really. I realize he's learning new vocabulary constantly, but somehow it always startles me when he says something I've never heard.

This morning, while laying on his back getting his diaper changed, Henry said to me, "Daddy, look! The ceiling fan is round!"

um, what?!

I was planning until he matured a little until I introduced advanced concepts like "floor" and "ceiling", but whatever. Kidding aside, I had no idea that he knew the word "round" much less an ability to apply the term to familiar objects. UberDaddy was in absolute awe. All I could do was say, "You're so smart, I love you" and kiss his soft cheek.

We have begun a whole new stage. The stage that begins with, "Daddy, what's that?" EVERYTHING now needs a name.

By the way, when the hell did he learn how to use verbs properly? You parents out there that deny your kid Sesame Street are doing you kid an incredible disservice. Remember that I am the absolute authority on parenting, so don't waste your time arguing. Sesame Street introduces a wide variety of concepts in warm, loving ways. Music, art, relationships, numbers, letters, nutrition... and incredibly importantly, humor. He loves to laugh at Cookie Monster (and NO, Henry doesn't expect cookies for breakfast now, like one of my friends is convinced will happen).

Then there is Elmo. If you haven't taken the time to actually WATCH and episode of Elmo's World, you must. It's goddam hilarious. Seriously, and I'm not smoking anything, the show is brilliant. To all the anti-capitalist, way-too-far-left parents out there who think such things poison the purity of their child's brain: you are missing out, and so is your kid. It has become extremely clear to me that Sesame Street in particular, but further all of PBS kids TV in general, is a tremendous language and concept learning opportunity that should be harnessed, not dismissed. All without violence or advertizing, and you can't beat that.

Am I an engaged, deliberate parent? Yes. Do I let my kid watch Elmo on TV? Absolutely. And you should too.
My personal favorite is the world-traveling Super Grover. That guy has the right idea, like UberDaddy. Nothing wrong with being a self-proclaimed superhero, right?

Now where's my cape?

Uber Briefs

This entry will be short blurbs of the shit banging around in my head the last few days. Enjoy!

The Moms at Discovery Gym
Holy shit. I will fill you in on how we got to this point in the future (a story worth telling) but for now we'll focus on what went down in the waiting room at the teeny kid's Discovery Gym yesterday morning. Henry moved out of the parent-supervised Tumble Bugs class to the teacher-supervised Tumble Bees class because of his astounding success. Forward roll, you ask? No problem, lady. Watch this! Hang like a monkey and kick that lion hanging from a string? I'll kick that thing to the moon!

So while H is in the gym and I am in the waiting room with the 3 Stay at home Moms, said Moms proceed with micro-analyzing each others parenting choices with great vigor. "Oh so your kids are 22 months apart? I believe that you need at least 24 for a healthy family." "My girls are NEVER going to :::gasp::: public schools!!" "Home schooling doesn't give a child a chance to develop socially very well."

It was all very polite. It almost seemed like they enJOYed ripping each other apart right there. There were several attempts made to draw me into the mix, but I evaded with skill. "Oh, you know, I think whatever works best for a parent is probably OK." Tolerance is so 1960's I guess, because I was told in no uncertain terms that there are RIGHT ways and WRONG ways to bring up a child.

Next time, UberDaddy will be sure to remember his iPod.

Doping
If you are not familiar with the term, 'doping' refers to the use of performance-enhancing substances or techniques to gain an unfair advantage.

Except in cycling, it seems that everyone is on the juice, so just keeping up means cheating. I wrote a paper for my Business Ethics class about the subject. My conclusion was that while everyone may be cheating to get ahead these days, and that it may seem to put you at a disadvantage to NOT cheat sometimes, that it is in all of our own best interests as citizens if we do not delve into the darkside for personal gain.

Shit, I just slipped on the soapbox... one sec. Ok, back up.

There is a knee-jerk reaction going on in the cycling world that really appeals to me. They call themselves RideCLEAN, and I think they are on to something. We gotta turn things around, in cycling, and in all professional sports. I don't want my kid growing up looking up to cheaters. Have a look, and make the commitment. Keep it real out there.


Riding
Why, oh why, can't I find time to ride. I found a spider web on my Santa Cruz this morning. Oh, the pity and the shame. In related news, the word 'paunch' was jokingly tossed around the house last week. I am in serious sit-up withdrawal apparently.

And here I thought part of my Uber powers was an UberMetabolism, like when I was 22. wrong. so wrong.

I may have to turn on the TV at 1 AM on night when I'm doing school work and find me an Ab-cruncher or something as clever.

Paunch. Whatever.


ciaofernow

Hola amigos!

My experiment failed. I thought if I stopped blogging about Henry’s growth, said growth might be halted, and he would stay little for a few more years. Didn’t work out that way.

As Henry will now tell you quite clearly, he’s 2 years old (“I’m TWO!’)... that’s 25 months for you parents. So much has happened to him, it’s stunning. Really it is almost nauseating how fast they grow. I feel like if I blink, he has some new skill, like Algebra.

Some recent accomplishments:

-Count to 13 without error.
-The PERFECT forward roll.
-Air guitar with a plastic golf club.
-Pee pee on potty every day.
-Full phone conversation for nearly 15 seconds.
-Ability to load Norah Jones DVD into player, turn on stereo and TV, and hit play.
-Push over his slightly younger friend without any sign of remorse.

I am so proud.

That next to last one truly amazed me. He’s seen me load a DVD enough times to do it with precision himself. At 2. Yougottabekiddinme.

I am inspired by his love for Norah.

He asks for her over everything else in the rack, including Elmocize and Thomas the Tank Engine. I never truly understood the drive within some people to try to make it in the music industry. The chances of success are approximately zero. But my son truly desires to be a rock star, clearly. When the guitar comes on the Norah video, Henry runs to get his big floppy Orioles fishing hat (‘twas my Grandfather’s he got at Memorial Stadium), his golf club (specifically the putter, the driver will not do!) and spin around the room like a tornado. He urges me to join in, “C’mon Daddy! Dance Norah Jones!!” and gets me the plastic driver and a hat.

This little creature has a brilliant personality, and it makes my soul laugh.




ciaofernow

Please bear with me....

UberDaddy and family just got back from Colorado yesterday, a few days after originally planned.

My Grandmother died the morning we were flying out there to visit her. Just crazy.

So bear with me as I get my shit back together and return to normal... whatever THAT means.

UberDaddy will return shortly ;)

Just in time for vacation...

Henry has been well ALL winter long. He had a minor cold last November, but made it throught the entire season of Winter without illness.

Just in time for our Colorado trip, the streak has ended.

Well actually the snot streaks have just begun, and, oh, are they fantastic.

Do you remember a show on Nickelodeon when we were kids called "You Can't Do That on Television"? I think Alanis Morissette was on the show, if my fog-laden mind serves me. (Quick googling proves my lack of REAL dementia.)

My favorite part of the show was when they 'Slimed' someone. They would pour buckets of this sticky goo over someone's head, and the person always had the same expression that said: "Holy Shit! This is never coming out of my hair!"

The slime looked like this:


This is precisely the same goo that is coming from my child's head this morning.

I wish I had a sped-up video of me chasing H around the house with Charmin while the slime streams onto the walls. Very amusing, if you're not me, I'm sure.


Did I mention we are flying to Colorado on Sunday?

Impeccable timing. The other folks on the plane are certainly going to LOVE us.

OK, I have to get back to snot patrol...


ciaofernow

"You're Lame!"

I know, I know.

My blog-friend, MamaC-ta, was quite clear what she thought of my two week absence from UberDaddy. "You're Lame! ;)" Tell me something my wife hasn't already, would ya?

Holy blazing saddles, Batman. We need a break.

Thankfully, said break has arrived. I just finished my hell-class at Villa Julie. Just in time to do the taxes; which, if you're me, is a fun way to see how much I can avoid funding our current administration's expensive mess. But that's another post.

Things are looking quite a bit brighter here at the Uber household, literally much brighter. The windows are wide open and springtime is pouring in. All this sunshine and relative warmth has gotten us in the mood for the great out-of-doors.

In one of those 'turned out better than you could have ever dreamed' occurances, it turns out that Henry LOVES to wear his bike helmet. (I guess those hours of ridicule from my wife while I walked around the house with a bike helmet on have paid off!) He will climb into the bike trailer, sit down, and say, "HENT! HENT!" Are you kidding me? How did I get this lucky?

Here's another of Henry's new tricks:

He gets up off his butt and goes into wild celebration: "YEAH!!"

Except for the time he got to the top, got his shoes stuck, and went off backwards from the top step. THUD. He even bounced. Holy crap was I scared, thankfully for no reason at all. He cried for about 45 seconds in my arms before he calmed down. A kiss on the head and a firm hug and all is well (again, thankfully). Showing his tendency for stubborness, he didn't hesitate when we put him right back on the slide to try again.

It is SO important to show your kid how to get up, dust off, and get back to it once you know you're not hurt. I plan on expanding on this a little after reading a post on MamaC-Ta's blog about letting our kids be afraid and the callous treatment some people give their male children to "toughen them up". I agree that it is lame for a parent to make fun of their boy if he is scared and tell him to stop crying from a distance if he is hurt, but I do think that we have to do more than just cuddle them if they do get a scrape. Show them all the love they need, and that you are sorry about and understand their pain. Then show them how to deal with the pain, and if they can, go on with what they were doing. All with LOTS of love and understanding.

Anyway, lots of other excitement in the past two weeks as well:

I got to ride at Lake Redman, just a few minutes north of here, a couple of times with all the sunny days we've had. I'll tell you what, the singlespeed kicks my ass but good. Sheesh. For the uninitiated, you can read about the SSweet world of SS HERE. Here's a couple shots from one of my rides:


My legs felt like 75 lbs of jello each after Redman. But this is good for me, and my shrinking cholesterol levels.

Ok, a few more photos of the kid and I'm out.







Colorado, here we come!


ciaofernow

HDL, LDL, blah blah blah.

UberDad had a good time visit with the Doctor a few weeks ago for my annual physical. In my book, the 'annual' physical takes place every four years or so. If it's good enough for the Olympics and presidential elections, it's good enough for me. The conversation went like this, as far as I can recall (I tend to block horrible events rather effectively):

Doc: How you feelin'?

UberDaddy: Really great, thanks, and yourself?

Doc: Any problems?

UberDaddy: Nope.

Doc: Great, I need to check your prostate and bleed you out a bit. Drop trou, bend over and put your elbows on the table.

UberDaddy: :::GULP::: Wanna have a beer first?

So a week or so ago, I get a call. Not from my doctor, but some nice, young woman at some testing lab.

LabGirl: Mr. UberDaddy, please.

UD: Speaking.

LabGirl: I'm LabGirl and I'm calling on behalf of your physician. Your LDLs are too high. He said you need to exercize and watch what you eat.

UD: Is this a joke? Who are you and why are you harassing me?!

LabGirl: Have a nice day!! :::click!:::


I have to be honest, this is wholly disturbing to me. I just can't imagine what is going on...

Hmmm... Well H and I do eat eggs or pancakes for breakfast about 6 of 7 days, but still. High Cholesterol? Actuall, my overall number was fine, and my 'good' was excellent, but there's just too much goop (read:LDL) mixed in. Fantastic.

I could go on and on about how this happened to me. How the rigors of marriage and parenthood took me from this:

to this:

in just 5 short years, but I will spare you.

My health is my responsibility, and I need to take better care of it.

OK, I'm not exactly a blimp, but clearly I must stop eating so many egg yolks and giving in to late night candy lust.

UberDad is already on the right path, you'll be glad to know. I learned a trick from the cleavage-bearing Italian woman on the Food Network. In a feat of incredible skill, I can now SEPERATE THE YOLK from the whites without an enormous mess. So our morning meals can still be yummy, without further clogging going on.




Giada De Laurentiis is so hot. Even Henry stares...








ciaofernow

"DADDY BIKE!"

Henry was sitting on the living room floor reading this morning, when he grabbed the Velo News from a couple months ago. He looked at the cover, looked up at me and said, "DADDY BIKE!" My smile could've parted the Red Sea.

How upset he'll be when he finds out that, while cycling courses through my veins, I am no pro. I'm not even an amateur racer. I'm barely an amateur anything, besides Dad. No degree on the wall for this, but I am clearly a world champion parent. That is so much less cool to a little boy than pro bike racer, however.

Your first disappointment in your Dad. Sweet.

* * *

Here's a joke I just made up, tell me if you like it:


What do uptight web people and asterisks - * - have in common?



They're both kinda like assholes.



I have been taught my first lesson in proper net etiquette. Interesting. I have had the very same reaction as I did when, as a 13-year-old Sunday School student at a Baptist church, my youth group leader taught all of us that it was a sin to dance.

This is TOTAL Bullshit.

Last post, I put up a short essay by a seemingly cool fellow who is an artist and a new dad. I dig new dads that openly celebrate their love for their kids. I immediately received a comment from someone that my post was "totally uncool" and "very bad netiquette". She went on to say that she felt the need to alert the author 'via email'.

Being brand new to the 'blogoshpere' (I am feeling less like a nerd knowing there are people who actually USE this word), I had no idea that posting a short essay with full credits and positive commentary was a naughty thing to do. OOOOhh, how wrong I was.

The author of the post DID read his email from 'ms. anonymous uptight web author lady' and felt compelled to write to me.

From: r___@m_____________s.com
Subject: Posting From My Blog
Date: March 19, 2006 6:41:40 PM EST
To: bkoppbikes@adelphia.net
It recently came to my intention that you lifted an entire blog entry of mine (from Heading East) and posted it on your site. While I'm glad you enjoyed the post and I see that you have attributed it, it's not cool to do this. The whole point of the web is that we link to other people's content. The proper way to do this is to post a link with a short description or a to post a short excerpt with the link below. I don't know if you are new to blogging or not, but if you continue to lift other people's entries attributions notwithstanding you will invariably piss people off.
all best,
r

Ok. In the range of responses from "Do this again and I'll sue your ass!" to "Its cool, man, thanks for the kind words!" - what he sent is somewhere in the middle. So mr. r is not an *. He wished me all the best.

But he really needs to rethink what the 'whole point of the web' is, because I'm fairly sure it has little to do with 'linking other people's content' and more more to do with an 'open exchange of ideas'.

We'll call it a misunderstanding, and leave it at that. At the end of the day, we both love our kids.

Did I learn my lesson? Yeah, I learned. I learned several things from this whole experience:

1. Moral elitists piss me off. Not far removed from religious zealots, those who believe that they know the 'proper' use of a world-wide media, or anything for that matter, can bite me.

2. This here interblogweb is ours. And it has lots of channels, so if you don't like mine, hit the, um, remote. Yeah.

3. People who get pissed off when receiving a compliment are loco.

4. I will try to be good about asking before I borrow other people's things, even if I intend to praise, promote, etc.

5. People who use the word 'via' outside of a professional setting are loco.

6. I am still the greatest parent in the world.

7. People who make lists may be compulsive in nature.

I hereby give everyone permission to use and reuse any and all anything you find on my interblog site. Copy it, sell it to your mother for a hundred bucks, or tell your wife that you wrote it. Its cool with me.


ÜberDaddy is the Grateful Dead of the blog world. Copy and trade, my friend.

I need a miracle.













ciaofernow

We are the pedal blocks.

UberDaddy, like other great parents, spends time considering the ways that we can use our time to best benefit our child. It is my desire to expose him to as many things as we can, and let him choose what he pursues in depth. For right now, at 18 months, that means lots and lots of laughing, playing and exploring the house and yard.


I attached some blocks to the pedals of Henry's Schwinn a couple of weeks back. He can just now reach the pedals, but isn't able to turn the wheel over yet (We practice pedaling in the air while on our backs). And this morning - while watching him push along Fred Flinstone style, try the pedals, fail, and repeat- an interesting metaphor formed in my head.


I am the pedal blocks in Henry's life.



How am I like a rectangular chunk of wood, you ask? (My wife has a very differnt answer to this than I...)

Consider that one of a parent's greatest roles is as the enabler of our child's discovery.

We are ALL the pedal blocks, actively but quietly supporting until they can thrive on their own.



Holy crap, his trike is cool.

He will be getting a 12" two wheeler here soon, but the trike is great to safely learn how to turn the pedals.




In other ÜberDaddy news:

I read a brilliant essay by a man named Raul that I thought I'd share with you all.

Then I got reamed for posting it.

I had posted the text here, because I thought it a proper tribute to a great essay. I had included a link to the author's blog, and given his name and proper credit. But apparently this is bad 'netiquette'. Sorry Raul, wasn't trying to steal your words or pass them off as my own, just smiling at them, and hoping to have others do the same. When I choose to use another's words when I write professionally, it is acceptable as long as I give proper credit. This is good for professional papers and journals, but not blogs?! Total Bullshit.

Ms. Strauss (writer of the comment), instead of taking the alarmist action of alerting the author, wouldn't it have been a little more direct (and mature) to email me directly and point out my indiscretion?

Mr. Raul, you are a fine artist and author. If you happen to come across this because of the email you received to 'tell on me' for crediting and posting your essay, please feel free to comment and let me know if I can post your words here. I had not seen the copyright at the bottom of the page and the request for permission. Please excuse.

All that said, you can find the post titled "The Undivided World" here

You can visit Raul's blog here.

and his photo blog here.

Sheesh. Who knew the blog police were up so late at night?




ciaofernow

In the words of the immortal Keanu Reeves...

Whoa.




OK, so that is the extent of Mr. Reeves' influence in my life, but it is, nonetheless, a valuable contribution.



We need to slow this muthafuckin' roller coaster down around here; the ride is getting a little too furious, even for the greatest parent the world has ever known. Lately I've been OverwhelmedDaddy.

See this?

Fuck it.


Not to complain, but this particular piece of shit literature has brought me as close to REAL self-abuse as I have ever come. Fortunately for my family, I do most of my work at the library when Mommy gets home, at the lame Starbucks, or very late at night when the house is asleep. This is good because they don't have to witness me trying to convince an inanimate book of the necessity of its own destruction. In flames.

I finished the midterm this morning around 2. Sweet.

UberDaddy is feeling a little better today, but my normal caffeine addiction has ramped up significantly of late, causing an interesting odor around the house. Those few warm days when we could open up the windows really helped, I hope they return soon.

Now for a couple of pics to prove that we do actually get out and have social lives. Actually to tell the truth, we are really lucky to have some of the greatest friends in the world. Henry really loves playing with other little ones, especially Grace Burke. She is an older woman (by 3 months) so he really has to do his best to impress her.









Good lookin', my little man.



ciaofernow!

Warning: This lifestyle not recommended by doctors.

ÜberDad has no problem with not sleeping. I need sleep about as much as a fish needs water.

This schedule is kicking my ass. I was up until 2:45 this morning working on schoolwork that is due Thursday. No problem. But when Henry, who has decided that he enjoys getting up with the sun, was ready to be up and out at 6:15 this morning there was a bit more of a problem. My brain wasn't working at all. Good thing we've got a pretty good routine, because the diaper change and trip down the stairs were a complete blur. Some morning milk, eggs in the bowl to be beaten, bread in the toaster, we're doing good. Henry, thankfully, is really cooperative lately (knocking on my desk) and climbed up into his chair quite happily.

On a side note, I cannot believe what an amazing eater he has become. He chows ALmost as much as I do in the morning.

Breakfast is finished and the dishes washed right away (ÜberDaddy NEVER leaves dirty dishes, he SWEARS). So now I get a minute to relax and finish this cup of RFG (really f'n good) coffee. Mmmm mmm mmm... as Henry would say.

The next two days are non-stop. H and I will head to our buddy-sitter's house by 10, and I have to head straight to Bmore. I'll close the shop tonight at 8 after kicking out the damn racing team that spins on Wednesday nights, and drive the 40 minutes home from Mt. Washington. THAT is when the real fun begins. Working on 3 1/2 hours of sleep again, and spending all day at the shop, I have the pleasure of HOURS of school work to do when I get home tonight.

Fortunately my stimulant of choice is easily obtained at Starbucks, perfectly legally.

You would think that the lack of sleep and stress of keeping a perfect GPA would be cause for worry, wouldn't you?

Nah. Not for me. I'm ÜberDaddy. I can do anything if it helps secure a better future for our little boy.

1.5 years (that's 18 months for you parents)

Today is my little guy's 1.5 year birthday. ONLY a new parent, and possibly a over-bearing grandparent or two, would ever EVER celebrate, or even consider, such a non-event. That said, I AM a new parent (relatively), so I get to be as Übergoofy as I choose, without care for outside ridicule. It's not like we hired a clown.

ÜberDaddy loves his little baby boy. Henry is growing up so quickly. Not to be cliche, but it seems like it was yesterday:

ÜberDaddy is ready to help... take pictures.

You worked SO hard to get your little lungs to work. Good job, kiddo.

You were SO big! 9 lbs and 15 oz.! WOW! (Poor Mommy!)

You are so beautiful!

I am so in love, and it just grew and grew, just like you.

You have become such a great little friend, companion and confidante. I love to dance with you, run with you, play drums while you play harmonica, and watch you cuddle with your Mommy.

I will always be there for you, as long as I live.