3 more feet and 150 more pounds

That's what you'll need, kiddo, before you best me like you did yesterday morning... and live to tell about it. Next time I take a sucka power punch to the eye, you better hope Mommy is around to save your ass.

You got me good this time, Henry.
You won't get so lucky next time.

Now that I know I have to defend my eyeballs against violent assault, my guard is up.

I think I scared the crap outta him enough with my thundering "NNNNOOOOOOO!!" and massive gritting of teeth that he will think twice before swinging at my face again. Let's hope.



Punk.





What is inspiring is that I could see the genuine remorse on his little face when he figured out that I was actually hurt. He said, "Henry take time out Daddy," and he sat on his bed and looked up at me pitifully. UberDaddy's anger faded quickly, and I asked him what he should say.

"I'm sorry, Daddy. Henry kiss Daddy's boo-boo eye?"

"Yes, please. It hurts."

"Henry sorry Daddy. Henry no hit."



"Good idea for your future wellbeing."



ciaofernow

p.s. Henry's excellent shirt seen in the picture above was purchased at the excellent online clothes shop for kiddos, Urban Baby Runway. Support Stay-At-Home-Parents, and dress your fav kid is something cool for a change!

Happy Halloween! ...a little early

Happy Halloween everyone!!

Henry and Co. are really digging it this year! We all went to a farm a few miles up the road, sat on hay bales on the tractor ride over to the punkin patch, and picked our own. The little ones loved it, so did UberDaddy.




He's such a follower when Grace is around.


Then we all got together for the bloodletting! Enjoy!




ciaofernow

A Rapid Expansion

No, the title of this post is not another reference to my waistline.

The title refers to something that truly mystifies me about humans. We're so smart when we're young, minds like dry sponges thirsting for anything new to quench our curiosity. I read on PBSParents.org that kids Henry's age (2 years) are capable of learning 10 or more new words, context and all, EVERY DAY.

I read this and, of course, I am thinking, "My kid only learns 9.3 words per day, what the hell is wrong with him?" OK, not really. I realize he's learning new vocabulary constantly, but somehow it always startles me when he says something I've never heard.

This morning, while laying on his back getting his diaper changed, Henry said to me, "Daddy, look! The ceiling fan is round!"

um, what?!

I was planning until he matured a little until I introduced advanced concepts like "floor" and "ceiling", but whatever. Kidding aside, I had no idea that he knew the word "round" much less an ability to apply the term to familiar objects. UberDaddy was in absolute awe. All I could do was say, "You're so smart, I love you" and kiss his soft cheek.

We have begun a whole new stage. The stage that begins with, "Daddy, what's that?" EVERYTHING now needs a name.

By the way, when the hell did he learn how to use verbs properly? You parents out there that deny your kid Sesame Street are doing you kid an incredible disservice. Remember that I am the absolute authority on parenting, so don't waste your time arguing. Sesame Street introduces a wide variety of concepts in warm, loving ways. Music, art, relationships, numbers, letters, nutrition... and incredibly importantly, humor. He loves to laugh at Cookie Monster (and NO, Henry doesn't expect cookies for breakfast now, like one of my friends is convinced will happen).

Then there is Elmo. If you haven't taken the time to actually WATCH and episode of Elmo's World, you must. It's goddam hilarious. Seriously, and I'm not smoking anything, the show is brilliant. To all the anti-capitalist, way-too-far-left parents out there who think such things poison the purity of their child's brain: you are missing out, and so is your kid. It has become extremely clear to me that Sesame Street in particular, but further all of PBS kids TV in general, is a tremendous language and concept learning opportunity that should be harnessed, not dismissed. All without violence or advertizing, and you can't beat that.

Am I an engaged, deliberate parent? Yes. Do I let my kid watch Elmo on TV? Absolutely. And you should too.
My personal favorite is the world-traveling Super Grover. That guy has the right idea, like UberDaddy. Nothing wrong with being a self-proclaimed superhero, right?

Now where's my cape?

Uber Briefs

This entry will be short blurbs of the shit banging around in my head the last few days. Enjoy!

The Moms at Discovery Gym
Holy shit. I will fill you in on how we got to this point in the future (a story worth telling) but for now we'll focus on what went down in the waiting room at the teeny kid's Discovery Gym yesterday morning. Henry moved out of the parent-supervised Tumble Bugs class to the teacher-supervised Tumble Bees class because of his astounding success. Forward roll, you ask? No problem, lady. Watch this! Hang like a monkey and kick that lion hanging from a string? I'll kick that thing to the moon!

So while H is in the gym and I am in the waiting room with the 3 Stay at home Moms, said Moms proceed with micro-analyzing each others parenting choices with great vigor. "Oh so your kids are 22 months apart? I believe that you need at least 24 for a healthy family." "My girls are NEVER going to :::gasp::: public schools!!" "Home schooling doesn't give a child a chance to develop socially very well."

It was all very polite. It almost seemed like they enJOYed ripping each other apart right there. There were several attempts made to draw me into the mix, but I evaded with skill. "Oh, you know, I think whatever works best for a parent is probably OK." Tolerance is so 1960's I guess, because I was told in no uncertain terms that there are RIGHT ways and WRONG ways to bring up a child.

Next time, UberDaddy will be sure to remember his iPod.

Doping
If you are not familiar with the term, 'doping' refers to the use of performance-enhancing substances or techniques to gain an unfair advantage.

Except in cycling, it seems that everyone is on the juice, so just keeping up means cheating. I wrote a paper for my Business Ethics class about the subject. My conclusion was that while everyone may be cheating to get ahead these days, and that it may seem to put you at a disadvantage to NOT cheat sometimes, that it is in all of our own best interests as citizens if we do not delve into the darkside for personal gain.

Shit, I just slipped on the soapbox... one sec. Ok, back up.

There is a knee-jerk reaction going on in the cycling world that really appeals to me. They call themselves RideCLEAN, and I think they are on to something. We gotta turn things around, in cycling, and in all professional sports. I don't want my kid growing up looking up to cheaters. Have a look, and make the commitment. Keep it real out there.


Riding
Why, oh why, can't I find time to ride. I found a spider web on my Santa Cruz this morning. Oh, the pity and the shame. In related news, the word 'paunch' was jokingly tossed around the house last week. I am in serious sit-up withdrawal apparently.

And here I thought part of my Uber powers was an UberMetabolism, like when I was 22. wrong. so wrong.

I may have to turn on the TV at 1 AM on night when I'm doing school work and find me an Ab-cruncher or something as clever.

Paunch. Whatever.


ciaofernow

Hola amigos!

My experiment failed. I thought if I stopped blogging about Henry’s growth, said growth might be halted, and he would stay little for a few more years. Didn’t work out that way.

As Henry will now tell you quite clearly, he’s 2 years old (“I’m TWO!’)... that’s 25 months for you parents. So much has happened to him, it’s stunning. Really it is almost nauseating how fast they grow. I feel like if I blink, he has some new skill, like Algebra.

Some recent accomplishments:

-Count to 13 without error.
-The PERFECT forward roll.
-Air guitar with a plastic golf club.
-Pee pee on potty every day.
-Full phone conversation for nearly 15 seconds.
-Ability to load Norah Jones DVD into player, turn on stereo and TV, and hit play.
-Push over his slightly younger friend without any sign of remorse.

I am so proud.

That next to last one truly amazed me. He’s seen me load a DVD enough times to do it with precision himself. At 2. Yougottabekiddinme.

I am inspired by his love for Norah.

He asks for her over everything else in the rack, including Elmocize and Thomas the Tank Engine. I never truly understood the drive within some people to try to make it in the music industry. The chances of success are approximately zero. But my son truly desires to be a rock star, clearly. When the guitar comes on the Norah video, Henry runs to get his big floppy Orioles fishing hat (‘twas my Grandfather’s he got at Memorial Stadium), his golf club (specifically the putter, the driver will not do!) and spin around the room like a tornado. He urges me to join in, “C’mon Daddy! Dance Norah Jones!!” and gets me the plastic driver and a hat.

This little creature has a brilliant personality, and it makes my soul laugh.




ciaofernow